Coffee, Anyone? Building Community Once Again

Coffee has come to define our culture. It helps us keep up with our fast-paced world; and then when we're sick of that same world, we connect over coffee.
The latter reason naturally follows from the former. People today feel busier than they have ever felt and they need relief. Interestingly, though, if you look at time studies, we actually have more free time today than people did a generation or two ago-we just feel more stressed. I don't think this is because people a generation ago were of higher fortitude. Instead, we've lost the thing that relieves stress. We have lost community: that decompression chamber that brings us back to reality, reminds us what matters, and simply gives us a place to know and be known.

Community often involves coffee. You stop in at a neighbour's house to share a cup. You take a break at work for a coffee with a friend, or join another friend who needs to talk in a coffee shop. Too often, though, we drive through the take out window alone because we don't have people to grab a cup with.
This need for community does not evaporate along with a take out medium double double. It's a real need that each of us has. We need a place where people know us, accept us, and even challenge us to be all that we can be. There's honesty in community, and not just the empty "Hi, how are you doing?" that so many of us share, followed by that inevitable word, "Fine."

Where are we going to find that kind of community? People live far from family, so they lose their most natural connections. Work relationships, too, are often superficial. We share some drinks at the Christmas party and socialize at the summer picnic, perhaps, but we may never see each other outside of work hours normally. Few today know their neighbours. At Wal-Mart greeters may say "Hi" and McDonald's servers may meet you with a smile, but while this is nice, it's hardly fulfilling.

We are not the only ones to feel this lack of community. Children need it, too. Kids used to grow up in community. They lived close to aunts, uncles, and grandparents, so that they were known well by adults who were not their parents. They went to church or other religious communities and met people they weren't related to but who still cared about them. The only adults some children know today are their teachers, yet kids need other adults for role models.
When you get off work, it's easy to just want to collapse in front of the television. However, our needs would be met far better by getting up off of that couch and turning on the barbecue. Invite some neighbours you've always yearned to know over for some burgers. Drop off some cookies to someone who just moved in. We all need a place where people know our name, and not just because they read it on a nametag at work. Our kids, too, need to know people of different ages to better make the transition to adulthood. So let's put the coffee pot on, turn the barbecue up, and turn the TV off. Create that community we desperately long for! And maybe then you won't need to linger at the Starbucks drive-through, all alone.

Sheila Wray Gregoire is the author of four books, including To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother. Do you need help organizing your home? Get your FREE household organization charts, including chore sheets, organization checklists, and more!